Monday 22nd June

So your back for Monday's instalment of my ramblings. Hope all you Dads had a good Fathers day. We attended a church service yesterday that included elements of The Forge, Willow Creek, a Billy Ray Cyrus concert and a baptist church in the 70's! A heady mix I know. We had some Win Fenning-esque art created before our very eyes (stunning), set in a beautiful auditorium (cold) with some country western sung worship (got CD for Duncan) rounded off with “bind us together” sang while we all linked arms and swayed (no comment)!! I trust your Sunday was slightly different.

Now I know that some of you are used to this blogging thing and will enjoy reading other peoples thoughts as well as typing down your own. Others of you will go along with it but some of you will be plain cynical and have said to yourselves “I'll give it till Wednesday, then not bother”. (I know this as my wife is one of those cynical people.) Well thank you for making it to Monday all you cynics and even if you can't stand what I write I will include a free recipe with my next blog so at least you're getting something in return.

So Naomi's lost everything literally everything. Widows' back in those days had three options, go back and live with your parents – Naomi's were dead, marry again – Naomi was to old, Rely on your adult children looking after you – Naomi's were dead. As Duncan pointed out yesterday Naomi is now without hope or a future, bottom of the food chain. As I read how she speaks about God I find myself confused and wondering what does she really believe about God? Does she feel like she's lost him too?

I hear her saying “look I've lost all my possessions, the man I loved, the two boy's whom I adored and cuddled as babes. I feel like the God who is on the throne, in charge of everything, hates me and has deliberately hurt me”. The author (I'll give a prize for anyone who can tell me who it is) quotes Naomi as referring to God as “LORD” meaning promise keeper. Or as “the Almighty (Shaddai)” meaning All Powerful one. But in the same breath she talks of how this almighty, all powerful, promise keeping God seems to have decided to ruin her.

What does she think of God? Does she really believe he's a promise keeper and all powerful? Or an evil God throwing down lightning bolts aimed at her family. Is it possible to believe both?

All this pondering has reminded me of few things I need to work on. When things go wrong for me I often deep down assume God is punishing me. I do the normal saying sorry and pleading for forgiveness for the things I've never really let go of. The things I've asked to be forgiven for time and time again. I bargain with God and clean up my act (try harder). This view of God as a strict school teacher has the knock on effect of meaning I view God as someone who's love has to be earned and who's happiness and love for me is directly affected by my actions. And for a while I miss (maybe like Naomi did) the glimmers of hope God is providing for me in my pain.

More of those glimmers of hope tomorrow, Oh and a recipe for those already bored of my thoughts.

Dan